Last night I went to the best comedy show ever. Okay, I can’t say that definitively, as it was the only comedy show I’ve ever been to. It was Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher (Rhea opened for Cameron), and the audience was full of lesbians. And when I say lesbians, I mean oh my god, there were so many beautiful women everywhere–it was fucking amazing.
Now, besides the obvious eye candy, the comedy was hysterical. I literally laughed all night–my cheeks hurt from laughing. When I went to meet the ladies after the show, though, I was too star struck to say anything other than “can I pay with cash?” when purchasing Cameron’s cd. Ugh. Oh, I think I did manage a “the show was great,” before awkwardly shuffling away.
Then I dreampt about Rhea all night long–no joke. I’m blaming one of Cameron’s bits on this because it followed that line pretty closely, with some fun twists.
However, there was one other thing from the show that surprised me, although it probably shouldn’t have, as it’s happened before. I went by myself, because I’m an independent woman (and none of my friends were interested). But I think I might have been the only one–or so it seemed. I swear to you, everyone was there with someone or a group. That wasn’t a problem, none of this was a problem. (Also, I met a few new folk ahead of time for drinks, then I totally talked with my seat-neighbors, as I am wont to do.)
But it keenly remind me of what I’m missing out on by being single (not that I am trying to be single–as you know, I am actively dating). Seeing lesbian couples together makes me yearn to be part of my own lesbian couple. It’s this visceral thing, nothing I ever felt when seeing heterosexual couples or when I used to think I was straight and that “ah, a relationship might not be so terrible.” No, it’s much stronger and deeper than that, and I don’t really know how to adequately explain it. But I know I want it. Not enough to jump into a bad relationship, because I am still me, after all.
I am not doing my feelings justice here. I am not explaining myself in a way that satisfies me. I am just trying to get the words out, to feel them, to mull them in my mind, to chew them into something recognizable.