All the feels, all the time.  I’m getting so much closer to total equilibrium, though.

I got Netflix last weekend, and now I have no intention of ever leaving my apartment.  I also just got 4 DVDs that I’d had on hold from the library (pre-Netflix), so you can be sure that this weekend is booked.

Cameron Esposito is coming to town in October, and I can hardly wait.  I’m going by myself since I don’t know anyone who likes her, and I can’t see the point in bringing anyone who won’t be geeking out with me.  Because I will totally be geeking out.  Her fiance, Rhea Butcher, will be opening for her, so this is definitely a twofer.

Oh, and I got a new haircut last night. My stylist totally had a picture of Hannah Hart that she’d clipped for me. So that is the inspiration.  Right now it’s an intermediary cut since I have to grow some of it out still.  But I love this cut. It’s fantastic.  It’s important to have a haircut that makes you feel good. For reals.

Also: I need some foodspiration.  I have been failing on feeding myself properly for weeks now, and it’s really starting to take its toll.  Send food.  Or inspiration.  Preferably food.

Ugh. Life!  But this morning I’m feeling about 98% better, so that’s something. I took the day off of work to just… not be there.

In other news, on August 4th, I got the best fortune from a fortune cookie ever.  It said: “Remember three months from this date for an exciting event.”  I can’t wait to see what November 4th holds in store. haha

I have a sink full of dishes and no desire to wash them.  This is happening more and more often.

There’s really nothing to report.  Although last night I did have a really interesting dream, both delightful and disturbing.  I’ve been reading Patrick Rothfuss’ Kingkiller Chronicles (I just finished the second book), so I think the dream was taking place in that world, more or less.  I wasn’t an archanist, which was too bad, but my dream girlfriend was–she was also pretty hot, if I do say so myself (good job, imagination).  Unfortunately, we had a mission to kill a demon cat (sad, sad, sad) that had been wreaking havoc.  Like I said, delightful and disturbing.

I’m basically having the worst week ever, emotionally.  I’m not going to go into all the boring details, because who the fuck cares besides me?  But I will tell you about one part of it.

I had applied for a job, a promotion, at my office.  One that I was really excited about.  Today, I rescinded it–this after an official interview and an unofficial interview.  There were only two of us in the running–myself and a co-worker.  He has been with the organization for 10 years.  Ten fucking years.  And everyone loves him.  He’s not like me, who gets a very mixed bag.

That said, I had two things that worried me excessively.  One, that the office would hold it against me if I got the position over him.  To be honest, I would do a better job at the actual tasks.  But he will be friendlier and will get along with the other managers and directors better, not to mention everyone else.  They will like him better because they do already.  Plus, people will feel as though it’s owed him because he’s been there so long.  Two, through the questions and conversation of the interview, it just came to rest quite heavily on my shoulders that I have no business working a job that works with people.  I suck at working with people.  I’m not likeable or relate-able. I need to find a job that deals less and less with people and just keeps me at my desk with numbers or facts or whatever.

So I took myself out of the running, took the decision away from my supervisor, and essentially handed him the job on a silver platter.

Then I came home and cried.

Fuck life this week.

Tomorrow night I’m going to see The Gift. I’m kind of nervous because I’m a wimp when it comes to movies, but it’s not like I’m watching it alone.  So it will be fine, right?  A week ago, I saw Paper Towns–a good movie, but not one I’d see again.

Patrick Rothfuss’ second book in The Kingkiller Chronicles, The Wise Man’s Fear, finally came in at the library for me (I had been on the hold list for over a month).  It’s fantastic!  I don’t know if any of you read the first one, The Name of the Wind, but it was engrossing.  I couldn’t even put it down.  So far, this one is living up to expectations.  It’s nice to have something new and fresh to read.

I’m about 2/3 of the way through the second season of Orange is the New Black.  I got an hdmi cord, so I get to watch it on my tv, which is nice.  It’s a pretty good show, I think, although kind of stressful.  (And again, you know me…)

Other than that, if anyone has any recommendations… let me know.

I keep thinking about starting a new blog, getting a fresh start.  It’s a habit of mine, but one I haven’t indulged since I started this blog–I think 5 years ago?

Anyway…

It’s official: I’m fully out.  The parents finally saw the email.  I wouldn’t say they’re happy (ahem), but they haven’t been terrible (yet).  Their responses?  Dad sent a text, and Mom just might be in denial.

But who cares about all that.  I am finally able to say what I want, when I want, where I want.  Yay!  Now onto the pursuit of life, love, and happiness.

Speaking of the pursuit of happiness: sometimes I get confused between what everyone else thinks about something and what just Christian culture thinks about something.  Now, I know that in Christian culture, it’s frowned upon to pursue happiness because happiness is fleeting and vapid and… all those other things.  You should have higher goals.  But this isn’t a universal thought, right?  The world at large doesn’t believe that it’s inherently bad or shallow to pursue happiness?  Or does it?

Someone needs to tell me.

Along those lines, sort of, there have been many more late nights in my life lately, but every one of them has been worth it so far. I’m definitely enjoying myself, despite the sleepiness the next morning.

The worst is when you make a bad cup of coffee in the morning because you just weren’t paying attention and/or were too tired to realize what you were doing. (Damn late nights–so fun, but so sleepy the next day.)

It’s the worst when you hang out with someone sober that you formerly met while slightly drunk and you realize they’re not that interesting when you haven’t been drinking.

It’s also the worst when your cat realizes she can get on top of the kitchen cupboards, then decides to pretty much just hang out up there and mock you.

But the real worst is when you send your mom an email coming out to her and your dad, but she goes on vacation without checking her email, so you have no idea when said email will be read.  Fuuuuck.

I have successfully moved.  I’m even mostly unpacked,  And my old apartment is mostly cleaned.  I’m off to a great start!

As anticipated, I am having to find brand new ways of storing things, since I have about half the closet space here as I did previously.  This is okay; it’s just that with two very naughty kittens such as mine, I have to be creative or else my things will be destroyed.

Speaking of the kittens… they are not impressed with the move.  But they’ll adjust.  Just like me.

Advice from Everyone Is Gay:

“Do you have any interest in getting coffee with a complete stranger?”
“I wrote my number on this piece of paper because I had the urge to ask you out, but didn’t want to do the uncomfortable thing where you have to answer right away and in front of people, so, if you’d like to – you have the option. If you don’t want to – no harm no foul, I will still make great jokes every morning when I order the same latte.”
“I would love to ask you out either as a new friend or an official date, if you’re comfortable or into either of those things.”

Super hot woman I follow online (in various formats): Dyke.  Or her twitter.  Or her instagram.  (I swear I’m not obsessed. Maybe just a little.)

Super awesome lesbian website: Autostraddle.com.

Two very funny ladies: Rhea Butcher and Cameron Esposito.

Cutest underwear ever–someone buy me a pair. (Not gay, but feminist!)

I’m sure there’ll be more to post, but for now, this is a good start.

I am moving in 5 days!

Good thing since I just discovered a new batch of ants have found a new way into my apartment. FUCKING ANTS!

Yes, the caps were necessary.

Now, my mom came over while I was gone–without telling me ahead of time–on Sunday and packed for 4 hours.  This was very kind of her and much appreciated.  However… I had left out a few things I probably would have tucked away.  Such as my book Girl Sex 101, which was on my bedside table.  And The L Word, Season One, which was on my bookcase, along with Boys Don’t Cry and If These Walls Could Talk 2.  Not to mention the Feminist Porn book that was on my kitchen counter.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.  I’m sure she had to have seen at least one of these items… and probably all.  But you know, when I talked to her that night, she gave nothing away.  So either she is not as nosy as she has been her whole life, plus has no natural curiosity about what I am currently reading and leaving laying around, or she is faking it.  Or denying it?

Fuck. I just need to get the move over, let things settle a bit, then out myself to the parents and get it over with.  Maybe it won’t be as bad as I imagine. And maybe I’ll find a pet unicorn that poops rainbows.

My move is coming ever closer… a week and a half away, in fact.  I’m slowly packing.  Tonight, I got one whole box done, in fact!  Um… yeah.  I have the worst mental block ever about packing.  But my apartment is full of boxes–it looks terrible.  I’d say maybe half of the apartment is packed so far.  I can’t wait until it’s over, and I’m in my new place.

My hair is great!  I don’t think I’ll end up keeping it–I’ll probably just let it grow out.  But I like it a lot!  Tons of fun.  It’s good to have a change.

Work is going pretty good.  The quarter just ended, so I have more than usual to keep me busy, which is nice.

Um… I guess that’s it.  But if any of you would like to come over and pack my shit for me, please feel free!

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