I know I’ve said this before, but this last year has been nothing but changes. The problem is that I think they’re really starting to catch up with me. And for someone who doesn’t like change, it’s been hard to have nothing feel steady.
I continue to question if my job was the right choice. I think it will be, but it is making me feel awful in the meantime. I don’t do well with downtime, and my trainer is terrible at training. She is just not a teacher, as much as she may know her stuff. So I’m feeling insecure on a regular basis from that.
And now I’m looking my move date in the face. Mid-July is coming quickly, and I need to really think about finding a new apartment. I want to move; I got a new job so that I could move, but good gracious, I do not like moving. Plus the housing market here is incredibly daunting, so that does not help.
I’m tired, sick and tired, of hearing about the bathroom controversy from stupid straight people. I’m also tired of being the token gay friend and having to hear about it every time I talk to whomever it is that has assigned me that position in their life. (Not sure I can afford to cut any more friends at this point, though; plus they have no idea what they’re doing.)
Not to mention that I’m insecure about LM. Not about wanting to see her, but about if she truly wants to see me. I am glad we’re not starting anything before she leaves because that would be 300% too much pressure. It’s much better to just let it be what it is, to see if it goes anywhere, than to try to force it.
And this weekend I am booked, again. It is only things and people I want to see, but I’m feeling so overwhelmed at the moment that the only thing I want to do is curl up on my couch and be alone. Maybe today will go well, and I will feel better by tomorrow.