I really want to give non-monogamy a shot. I want to be that person who can actually do it. But I have serious doubts because all I have to do is start talking to some woman that piques my interest in a real way, and suddenly my mind is tripping merrily down Monogamy Way.
On the other hand, if I’m just wired for monogamy, why try for non-monogamy? Just because it’s a thing doesn’t mean I have to imbibe. I think I’m okay with casual until I let my emotions get involved, then I can’t handle it. So if it’s just a physical thing, then sure, why not. But as soon as it starts feeling real, all bets are off.
On the other-other hand, I want to give kink a try, and I want the freedom to do so. [This whole discussion is going to preclude me actually being in a relationship. I am merely speaking in hypotheticals at the moment.]
On the other-other-other hand (I have run out of hands), what if I started seeing someone who is involved in kink or wants to get involved in a similar way as myself?
Additional to that, the more I look into and learn about the kink community, I’m not sure I ever want to be part of the community itself. I think I want to borrow ideas and play and incorporate them into my sex life without committing to any thing in any real way. I think what I mean is that I like a lot of what kink has to offer, but only in certain amounts and ways.
I clearly do not do well with what-ifs. I need concrete situations.