I wish I could figure out what’s going on with me lately.  I feel as if my emotions are raw, like they’ve been rubbed with sandpaper, so that the littlest things are enough to overwhelm me.  I don’t want to blame it on being busy; I’ve been busier (or just as busy) before and still managed to handle life better than I am now.  (At least, in my memory that is the case, but it could be argued that I simply had melt downs in other ways than crying.)

Today I actually broke down in sobs, I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. It was quite embarrassing because I almost started in front of someone, and had to make a quick exit so I could be by myself.  I haven’t cried like that in a long time… For the last eleven years, my norm has been to cry once every 1-2 years.  This last week I cried three times.  You can see why I’m concerned about my emotional health.  (Although, again, I will postulate that crying is healthier. It’s not that I don’t want to; it’s that I usually don’t. Is this just a new phase? Am I learning to allow emotions instead of stuffing them?)

However, emotional breakdowns take time from school, and as I’m already behind, I really don’t have the time to give.  Which, of course, only serves to make me more frustrated and overwhelmed. Vicious cycle, folks.

Then I went bouldering tonight with a friend and some of his friends.  It was great to work my body physically, to be able to feel my muscles being trashed from a work out.  Granted, mostly it’s my hands, wrists, forearms, but that is because those are the weakest points.  But my whole body feels it, and I love how that feels.  Wearing my body out makes me feel my emotions less.  Slightly.

If you think about it, pray a little prayer that I start handling life better.

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