Apparently, unless you know me, and know me well, you might think I do not like men.  As in, I really do not like men.  But this is a lie!  It is one I have helped perpetuate, but I am working on it…  And getting better, but not good enough yet.  This is probably more of a problem in real life than on my blog, where I am at least somewhat open about this topic.  But I’ve heard it a few times this week, so… yeah.

It’s just that… it feels vulnerable to me.  It’s tied to the whole gender issue thing, and it’s tied to my hopes for my future.  And it feels personal.  And the older I get, and the longer I stay single, the less I am willing to say that I wish it were otherwise.  The harder it gets to admit that what I wish for my life isn’t happening so far.  (And sometimes I simply react with a default to something someone says, never in the way I should.)

And it’s easier to say I’m glad to be single, that I’d rather stay this way, to focus on the few men who do truly frustrate me than to recognize that the world is full of good, godly men.  (And I know so many of those men, truly.)  Because thus far, those good, godly men haven’t pursued me.  Which is okay, in all honesty.  I don’t want any less than God’s best for my life, single or otherwise.  And I know God has full control of the situation, in ways I cannot see or understand.  But at the same time, it still makes it harder to admit.

Tonight I tweeted an apology to men at large… It read: “Dear men of the world: I am sorry for always generalizing about you. I think you’re swell, honestly. Love, Me”  (Yes, I do tweet. I’m not proud of it. But I’m not a constant tweeter, so don’t judge.  Besides, I might quit one of these days.)

Give me some time and grace and eventually my outside self will match my inside self (in more ways than just this topic).  God’s been doing a lot in my life, but nothing happens overnight. :)

Things I love about men (in no particular order and probably forgetting some very important things): plaid flannel shirts, beards (depending), cologne, feeling safe, their usually rational perspectives, that they like things like sports, that they can take care of cars/repairs/etc, that they’re usually straightforward, and I’m sure I could go on, but honestly, it’s about 30 minutes past my bedtime.