Okay.  I know.  I only just switched into the MDiv TS program, and because I felt like God was leading me to it.  And now, only a few weeks later, I’m 95% certain I’m going to switch back to the MABS and finish up by next December at the latest?  What kind of non-committal, mind changing person am I?

Let me tell you.  I have been in nearly panic mode of stress, combined with seriously hating my life, since I made the switch.  That can’t be right. And last night, I laid in bed, and all I could think is: maybe it’s not about the degree.  Maybe it’s just about being willing to do what I’m asked, willing to make changes for God, to try new things, to not be afraid to fail.  Which sounds weird to say that this means to me that I could change back.  But… if it’s not about the degree, and I have zero desire to finish or even receive an MDiv, why not switch into something manageable?  Why hate my life? I’ll go where He wants, I’ll do what He asks.  But I don’t think I need an MDiv, and I don’t know that  God necessarily is directing me to that.  (Yes, this sounds wishy-washy and like I’m making things up.  Deal with it.  Life is messy.)

And I could still write my thesis on gender identity.  Instead of trying to run from this passion, why not embrace it?  Why be afraid of it?  Maybe my voice should be added to the mix.