I think I’ve felt emotionally bruised lately.

I’m probably just lonely.

It’s hard when most (not all) of my close friends live far away.  We are simply not in each others’ lives like I wish we were.

The whole ex-work-crush thing was good in one respect over all: it really made me realize how much faith still matters to me.  To be honest, I was concerned that I didn’t care anymore, that there was nothing left in me to care.  I am gratified to know that it still is important and a vital part of my life.  That said, I’m still not ready to jump back in with both feet.  But I might be ready to stick a toe in.

The other main thing that made me realize I could never date a non-Christian was actually visioning the future with a Christian, seeing how different my life would be, and wanting it that way.  (Specifically, one person made me remember this inadvertently, but he does not know, nor should he, probably.)

Speaking so vaguely of the aforementioned person…  I can never tell if its him or the idea of him that I’m still attracted to.  And because of that, I can never tell if I should put myself out there in a real way or just let it be.  So I continue to do nothing.  But I miss having him in my life–we’re still friends, but never like we were.  He was comfortable.  He never took energy to be around (and for an introvert like me, that’s saying something).  He understood me in an inherent way.  And yet.