You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2014.

Please let it be the weekend.

I think I can make it one more day.

As in, I have to make it one more day.

I just need a day at work where I can breathe for a moment.  This will likely not happen again for a couple weeks, but if I’m lucky, maybe only one more week.

I have great plans for Saturday–it looks like it’ll be a good day.  I’m definitely looking forward to it.  But I’m also looking forward to Sunday, when I plan on hiding in my apartment all day, alone.

“Oi, enough with the poodles already!”
(Thank you, Gilmore Girls, for that most excellent expression.)

There is an evil look in my cat’s eye as she glances at my desk lamp.  Shelby loves  nuzzling the shade, which not only lines it with cat hair, but knocks it askew.  And she knows I hate it.  She has now climbed onto the top shelf of my bookcase and is trying to grab her brush from the top of the books to knock it to the floor, where she will commence rubbing her face on it and biting it, alternately.  She has succeeded.

Surprisingly, Sophie is simply chilling on the rocking chair, behaving herself for once.

—–

I am contemplating wearing a skirt today.  I even shaved my legs just in case.  Which brings me to a point I want to consider.  Why is it that it is such a strong societal expectation that women shave?  Men can be as hairy as they like, but women must rid their bodies of all unsightly (in men’s opinion) hair.

Perhaps you have seen this article from Huffington Post?  I just want to know why we have to follow the norm.  If I didn’t work in an office, I think I might be brave enough to forgo leg shaving, but I worry about it being considering unprofessional.  (I really have no idea.)  I think there is some odd idea that not shaving means you are not well-groomed, but while I am far from a fashion plate, I am clean and neat.

Women of the world, let’s unite.  If enough of us quit, they’d have to get used to it.

Right?

I know one of my hopes for this year is getting on track faith-wise.  But does that necessitate church attendance?

I love how friendly everyone is at my current church.  But I do not love the theology (lack thereof).  My mind wanders freely during sermons.  I ache to hear a sermon that is based in good hermeneutics, rather than simple speculation from a cursory reading.  I want to be somewhere where I can interact with others about faith in ways that are meaningful.

I don’t know that I can attend a church that has an undercurrent of disrespect for women and a obvious disregard for homosexuality.  (This latter point is not from anything in a sermon–yet–but conversations I’ve had.)   And one that has a strong dislike of government assistance in any way–they are huge fans of the Dave Ramsey idea of accumulating wealth and being self-sufficient.  Side note: I hate this about most Christians lately–when did Jesus or his disciples ever preach about being self-sufficient?  Weren’t we supposed to help our fellow person?  When did Christians get so mean and stingy??  And since Christians have so sadly dropped the ball, I think it’s fitting that the government would step in.  Sometimes, you just need the extra help.  But I digress.

So to try to find a new church?  Again?  On the other hand… to not attend at all?  It is not for some guilt or compulsory reason that I would want to have a church, but a deep desire to be with others who are like-minded.  Hence the problem with this current church: we are not like-minded, and only have similarities on the uppermost level (identifying as Christians).  Why is it that I am so often more like-minded with those who do not identify as Christians?

It is just so… discouraging.

Today made tonight a beer & pizza roll while watching Gilmore Girls kind of night.

Today I miss having a roomie to come home to and commiserate with (that’s you, “Ricky!”).  [To be honest, I usually miss you, Ricky… Love, Lucy.]

Today I am months behind in a project at work.  I also had a guy (who I do believe has actual mental imbalances) come in and insult me (not to mention women-kind in general), so I asked him to leave and not return (he’s not eligible for our services anyway).  And when I went to take my final break (late), I found the toner in the upstairs printer had sort of exploded, but no one told me.

At that moment, I laid on the floor and announced that I was giving up.  Unfortunately, reality reigned, so one of my co-workers found me gloves, and I set to work.  But of all the asinine things that my fellow employees tell me, why would they not tell me something important like that?!

Sigh.

On a completely unrelated note, I am kind of in love with this song lately:

Post Script: I’m not a fan of the video itself. Just the song. :)

An apology ahead of time for this post.  But if you knew how much emotional energy I’ve put into this topic over the last few months, you would feel the following rant is justified.

——

So I have this pet water fountain for my cats…  And I get a little irrationally crazy over the noise from the pump.  It can be rather loud, and there’s not always much you can do about it,  so my frustration is slightly justified.  But my craziness about it is not.

If the motor on the refrigerator is running, or the fan above the stove is on,  you can’t hear a thing.  I often think if I could just move somewhere where I didn’t have the cat’s food and water in my dining room, I might be okay.  But in the morning or the evening, when I’m sitting in my quiet apartment, enjoying the peacefulness of solitude, and the damn pump is humming, I kind of lose it.

It’s a little embarrassing, which is why I’m confessing on the internet.  (Why keep bad behavior to yourself?)  Although, I am not willing to detail my craziness, so you’ll just have to use your imagination.

But that to say, I just put in a new pump yesterday, which is louder than the old.  I think I’m going to have to switch back.  I can’t take it.  I can hear it from here.

Ahhhhhhhh!

[Side note for the less insane: The company is going to send a new impeller in case mine is warped, which would cause noise. Let’s hope that’s it.  Every time I email, I try to get them to admit their product is substandard, but so far no dice.]

I haven’t blogged in awhile.  I haven’t had anything to say.  Or I have, but I’ve only thought of it as I lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep.

One of my co-workers told me today that one of the things they love about me that I am so honest about who I am.  This was in reference to my assertion that of of my favourite parts of the week is going grocery shopping early Saturday morning.  I was saying how I start getting excited on Friday, anticipating my opportunity to go to the store, so I make meal plans and “clip” coupons…  The sad thing is how true it is and how little I care that it’s true.  But at least someone gets a kick out of it?  Apparently most people wouldn’t admit to something like this.  But I maintain that most people simply wouldn’t be excited about it.

Besides, I’m the person who gets in bed at 8pm on work nights.  Getting excited about the grocery is only one of my many ridiculous traits.

And furthermore, is it really true that most people aren’t honest about who they are?  I am not saying I am always upfront about everything, but I believe very strongly in being true to yourself.  And you know, even if I don’t always like who I am, I’m okay with who I am.  I mean, except for those moments when I hate who I am.  But I still think that’s my personal right and the rest of you can suck it.

This isn’t coming out quite how I imagined.

———–

So the whole dating thing…  having a relationship thing…  I just don’t think I can do it in truth.  I think I have too many issues with men, too little trust, and too little desire to ever trust them.  It is good that I like being alone.  Because I just don’t see how I could be with a man.  (Can I just give an aside again of how very angry I still am at men?  Those men, the ones I’ve blogged about.   Like… over the top angry.)

Anyway.  I was back on a dating site–you know how I love them–but I had to disable my account again.  Too many stupid men bugging me.  And always, only, the really needy men.  Like the ones who talk about letting me share their netflix account the first time we meet (as if I’d want to).  What is it about me that attracts needy men?  Good gracious.

Besides, my cats (Sophie in particular) are afraid of men.  So I’m not sure how that would work out anyway.

———–

Speaking previously of work, it’s going okay.  I know I’m a bit of an emotional roller coaster about my job, but it really is okay overall.  I think the roller coaster is just me.  But this month has been crazy busy, so I won’t be sad to see it gone, if I can actually manage to finish all my projects by the end.  I’m glad I like most of my co-workers, most of the time.  (I am an introvert, so it’s ridiculous to assume that I would always be glad to be around them.)

I’d better end now before this post gets worse.

In matters of faith…  2012 was an awful year.  I could not wait for it to be over.  2013 was a little better, but I spent much of it trying to care again.  I want 2014 to be the year I can fully embrace my faith again–not just in private, but in public.  I want to fully participate with my local church body and be part of the universal Church in a way I haven’t for the past two years.  Little things give me hope: I’ve begun participating in musical worship at church again; I’m helping with their hospitality team; I’m considering attending a group (although might wait until the next go-round for better options?).  I’m attending church, and I’m enjoying attending.  But I’d like to start being disciplined again.  I want to be reading my Bible on a regular basis; I want to pray intentionally.

As always, I want to be more like Jesus.  I want compassion and caring.  I want to show love for my fellow human being.  I want to give the benefit of the doubt and to want the best for people.  I want to learn to reflect the heart of God.

I want this year to be a good year.