My cats are whiners.

There are too many thoughts sometimes.

And why are other people so awful so often?

I want to cloister myself away and only surround myself with those who are dear to me.

I constantly feel as though I say or do the wrong thing, usually with good intentions.  I always feel as though I should be over that by now–either the doing so or the feeling so.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever leave my organization, or if I’ll just keep answering phones for the rest of my life.  I mean, what if that’s all I am actually capable of doing?  Sure, I can aspire to maybe an office manager someday, elsewhere, but could I move out of this context?  Where I am, it is doubtful if something will open up–although not impossible.  But how long should I wait?  Should I?  On the other hand, it is not as if there are other opportunities just waiting to snatch me up.  And I like where I am…  Sigh.

I want a shinier version of my life.  I want to be energetic, friendly, outgoing, fun.  I want to not be afraid of making new friends, meeting new people.  But these things are not who I am.  Maybe I should just want to be me and be content with that.  I’m going to blame December for my present gloominess.

Unrequited love is an interesting thing, isn’t it?  I think I like it better than actual, returned, two-way love.  That must say something about me–and nothing good.  But returned love (speaking of romantic love, of course) is messy and nothing I’ve ever really experienced.  It’s one of those unknowns that the universe may or may not have in store for me.

Meh.

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