What I want to know is, what’s so wrong with friend dating?  I guess what I mean by that is, it seems to be my fate, but I think that has more to do with who I am than anything else.  I’m not one to get to know people quickly.  When I meet people in normal life, I tend to wait quite a bit of time before warming up to them (there have been a few exceptions, but very few).

So falling into a relationship has never seemed like something I will be able to do.  I’ve often wondered how I’m supposed to make the popular dating style work for me.  I like the idea of just getting to know people first, then deciding to date them later.

I like going on dates, and I have no problem with going on series of first dates.  But if I’m interested enough to go on a second or third date, then I’m probably interested enough to let myself go on an indefinite amount of friend dates.  I’m not a quick mover.  I can let myself be influenced by a quick mover, but it’s nothing I’m a fan of inherently.  And I’m not sure the quick mover method would even work for me.  (I have a few exhibits I’d like to pull up here, but they’re women I never mentioned.  Suffice to say, they wanted to jump into a relationship, and I wanted to run away.)

On the other than, as I have mentioned previously (I believe), I only have so much emotional energy to invest in meeting new people.  So when I meet someone, am interested in them (as a person, as potentially more), and want to keep seeing them, I have a really hard time continuing to meet other people.  That’s where I question the wisdom of my own methods.  Am I limiting myself?  But if it doesn’t bother me, does it matter?

It does seem to bother other people in my life, and maybe I am letting them influence me unnecessarily.  Why should it matter to them how I date or don’t date?  What if I like my ways?  Why should I change?  It’s not as if I have a quota to fill or a deep desire to jump into bed with every woman I meet (to be clear: no real desire to jump into any stranger’s bed).  So if I only meet one new woman every now and again, so long as I am enjoying myself and not feeling poorly about it, shouldn’t it be okay?

It’s not as if I shut down my dating apps or refuse to look around.  I’m just not always compelled by what I see.  I’m choosy about friends (and potential relationships).  I’m not one to be friends with just anyone.  I never have been.

So maybe my conclusion is that I like friend dating.  I like my ways.  I don’t want to change.  And I’m not going to.  But I might stop telling people about my dating life who won’t give me full support.  That seems to be a wise decision.

Advertisements