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I don’t talk a lot of politics on my blog, but this has to be shared.

I went out for drinks last night with some of my friends/old co-workers.  It was a fucking blast.  We went to my favourite dive and just sat for hours.  I told way too many details about my dating life/sex life, though. For reals.  What the hell was I thinking?!  But I’m not going to repeat them here, so don’t get excited.

One of co-workers, who I’m not as good of friends with, is a straight chick who is kind of into me.  I feel weird saying that.  But, I’ve felt it ever since we started talking/hanging out.  She really wants to make out with me, which is apparently a thing some straight chicks like to do with lesbians?  Anyway, I’m not opposed to that, because women, but I’m not into her at all (straight and very femme).  Moreover, I certainly won’t be making that move!  In fact, I will probably avoid it, since I feel that’s the best course of action…

And she wanted to know why my queer friend (who is in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship) and I had never made out.  We sort of just looked at each other and reiterated the relationship.  I mean, just because she’s queer and I’m gay doesn’t mean we’re going to fool around…  Is that really a perception?  So weird.

Not that I’m opposed to friends with benefits, but they have to be single friends. I mean, c’mon.  I’m totally the monogamous type.  I mean, I will be, once I settle down.  Which I have no timeline for.  I like to keep it open–who knows when I will meet the right woman?  In the meantime… bring them on.  The more the better.  (I feel like I am talking a bigger game than I can deliver at the moment.)

Also, talking with the best friend the other night, I said how I think I will be more of a sexual aggressor  instigator (not in a bad way, in the making moves/pursuing way) after I feel more comfortable with my skills in the lady sex department.  The best friend totally agrees.  I need to do more research in this department… Hands on research, that is… Ahem.

I’m so happy I’m finally dating ladies.  It’s amazing.

There’s a super cute barista at my Starbucks… Not sure how to flirt with her without being a creep, so instead I just look awkwardly at her every time I go in (for the last several months, in fact).  I posted about this on facebook, and a friend had the following absolutely brilliant comment:

As long as you don’t order a venti sized date to go with a phone number on top, you should be alright…

Except that, I really want to use that exact line for a pick-up now…

Ha!

Folks, sometimes being an adult is hard.

Examples:

I’m trying to shop for healthcare plans since my new company doesn’t offer one, but does have a couple options that are instead of it.  Thankfully, my friend’s sister is a healthcare guru because of her job, so she’s totally helping me out.

I looked at the 2016 tax brackets, and can I just say how unfair it is to single folk?  Fuck you, married people.  You get all the money breaks, for reals.  (Remember that article about how single women are most likely to live in poverty in old age?  Must find life partner!)

I’m extra emotional from my period, and I still have to go to work.  Worse, in a new office where I know no one and know nothing.  And my mistakes feel like failures because everything feels worse from the hormones.

Starbucks is changing their reward program, and it sucks.  Maybe I’ll give up my gold card and give my business to other coffee shops instead.

I miss my best friend, and I hate that I never see her.  I also hate that we have to schedule skype calls and often have to reschedule due to life.

I’m tired of adulting today.  And even though it’s only 7:30pm, I’m going to get ready for bed.  Everything always looks better in the morning.

I had written this beautiful post this morning about my current dating life, but then the questions it was asking were answered in a way I am disappointed in, so I deleted it in order to not have the visual reminder every time I look at my blog.

How about that for a long sentence?

So, moving onward, as always.  I am beginning to suspect that there is something wrong with me.  Or that I truly am only interested in emotionally unavailable women (you’ve heard that fear from me more than once).  However, while I will feel the sting for a short while, I will continue forward and continue dating.  Why let anything hold me back from the wonderful world of women?

It’s just so different now because my emotions get involved, and I’m still not used to that.  God, I never felt anything when I was trying to date men.  So I treasure even the hurt because it means that I’m actually feeling something.  At the same time, damn.  I’ve got to figure out how to not emotionally invest in every woman I’m attracted to.  Seriously.

Tonight I will sigh the sighs.  I’ll allow myself a day or two to lick my wounds.  And then, I’ll work on setting up dates–maybe even for next weekend if I can manage it (although, that’s unlikely with how tired I am from my new job).  I did have a first date a couple days ago, but no chemistry.  I think we’re going to try to do the friend thing, though.

Life!

I had two scones for breakfast. I’m going to say the second one was a mistake.

Tomorrow, I start my new job.  I was going to bus it, but the more I look at the buses from where I currently live, the more I think I am going to drive it.  Alas.  Once I move to the city this summer, I hope to be able to do the bus thing much more often/easily.

My mom keeps asking about plans I have, friends I’m hanging out with…  I don’t know why.  If I have plans and she asks about it, I tell her I’m hanging out with friends, even if they’re dates.  It’s not that I can’t tell her; it’s that she actually doesn’t want to know.  You know like in the Pride & Prejudice books, how Miss Bingley keeps asking Darcy leading questions about Elizabeth?  She doesn’t want to hear it, not for real, but she’s torturing herself.  I feel like my mom is doing the same thing.  Ugh.

 

Tomorrow is my last day at my current work place.  I have so many mixed feelings!

I’ve been there almost three years, in two different roles.  I’ve gotten to know a ton of people and made some good friends.  I came out while there and really let myself become more of myself, with co-workers as my audience.

I’m going to miss a lot of people, and I will miss the comfort of the familiar.  But I’m ready for new challenges.

I’m not a fan of change, and all I’ve been doing this past year is change.  I don’t like saying goodbye, and that’s all I’ve been doing this week.  One by one, person by person, those who will miss me have been saying goodbye.  Tomorrow will be the last of them.

The hard part is that, as with any separation, you drift and forget and time makes you move on.  So you know that those who miss you today will be over you tomorrow, and quite likely the same is for yourself.

As one of my pastors said once, back when I used to do the church thing, “Growth never happens without change; change never happens without loss; loss never happens without pain.” -NP

So I’m excited for a new beginning, but I’m sad to see this one ending.

  1. I have been a Compassion Sponsor for many years now, on my third child. But I no longer subscribe to Christianity, plus the organization doesn’t approve of me as a gay person (to put it baldly and honestly). I want to cancel, but does that make me a horrible person, since the kid herself has nothing to do with any of that?
  2. How much money can I spend on boxer briefs before it becomes ridiculous?
  3. How does short term dating work?  I’m not ready for a long term anything.  I understand going on a couple dates then calling it quits, but does intentionally dating someone short term mean you’re an asshole?  (Short term = a couple/few months tops?)  Not to say I’m in that position yet, but I have to figure it out before I am. [Side note: B told me that I’ll know I’m ready for a long-term relationship when I’m tired of dating. She said as long as I’m really enjoying just the plain idea of going on dates with all the women, I’m not ready to settle down into anything. I think she is right.]
  4. It’s possible to make friends with other single lesbians and just be friends, right?  Because I’m banking on that being true.  I can’t see why not…
  5. I need a physical activity to get into, like a sport but not a sport because I’m not a sports kind of gal. Not running, so don’t get all excited.  I’m thinking of buying a bike.  Is a bike a good idea?  What is the likelihood of getting run down by a maniac in a car?