The break from dating is still on. I have not not changed my mind in the last three days.

However, I have identified what I need: a starter girlfriend.  (Incidentally, I used to tell one of my friends that all he needed was a starter girlfriend, but that was before he came out, so when he did, I amended it to starter boyfriend.  It seemed to have worked well for him, not that I think he went into any of his relationships expecting them to be short term.)

I think I view this idea as a trial relationship.  Something to get my feet wet, to try things out, to see how it feels to date a woman.  That with the addition of the fact that I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the idea of dating just one woman long-term at this point.  There are still too many women out there to date…

I still question the ethics of this.  When I start parsing it out, it comes down to wanting to date a woman that I’m attracted to (obviously), but not one I’d think I could be with forever (I use that word here loosely, not literally).  I recognize that it’s dangerous business (so to speak) to plan to date someone short term–emotions can get involved that were never intended.  (I feel as though I am definitely at risk for this, since I’m still learning how to keep emotions out of casual dating.)  But I’m less concerned for my own emotions than being an ass to someone else.

I suppose that being upfront about it, like the bisexual butch recommended in a comment on one of my previous posts, would be technically the right thing to do.  However… I may not intend to do the right thing after all?

It’s an interesting pastime for me, learning about how I actually feel about dating and sex and love (among other things).  I had ideas before, based on a lack of interest in men, but now that the real me is unleashed, I’m still learning who she is.  And I have to tell you, I’m liking her, regardless of her potentially sketchy ethics.

Advertisements