I’m used to closing doors and never opening them again.  Not from hard or bad feelings, but just because when a door is closed, it’s closed.   I don’t do well with ambiguity, so I don’t like to have nebulous options.  I like everything as defined as possible.  And once something has a definition, it’s hard to change it.

That said, I’m opening a door that I thought was closed.  More accurately, I didn’t open the door, but I did let it be opened, and I am seeing what’s on the other side.  It’s a weird feeling.  What convinced me to let it open again was a friend reminding me that this year has been full of new things, and why not let this be one of them?  [Side Note: Did I mention that I’ve been out for a little more than a year?  And what a year it’s been…]

I don’t like the unsurety I feel, but I never like unsurety, and life is full of it.  How does one become sure of another person?  Better put, how does one know when it’s the appropriate time to be sure of another person?  Timing is everything.  Until you are sure, you should be cautious.  I am not good at being cautious, as I’ve learned.  I’m good at jumping in feet first, at least emotionally.  But if I learned anything from my experience with LM, I learned it’s a bad idea to jump alone. [Insert rueful smile here.]

Somehow, maybe, I will learn to be cool as a cucumber.

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