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Things are slowly picking up at work. Perhaps I can stay until I’m qualified to find a job in coding (by qualified, I mean kickass enough).

Speaking of coding, I’m looking forward to doing homework this week, if only because I will have a homework buddy to slog through it with me.  Plus, my teacher gave me the rest of the assignments ahead of time (as requested), so I can attempt to finish the coursework before my best friend’s wedding.

Oh! I was accepted into the certificate program, starting in January.  So that’s a go.

In other news, gay news, not gay news, my gay life news, that is… (Worst sentence ever, and I’m keeping it.)  I am so over conservative, Christian friends who can’t get over the fact that I’m gay and just accept it as a good thing.  Fuck them.  They can just take a walk and leave me out of it.  I’m not interested in being their token gay friend. I’m not interested in them working out their issues about homosexuality with me as their guinea pig.  And it always feels harsh when I communicate this to them (in gentler words, honest), but I have a duty to myself first.  Plus, I can’t kick out my family, and I already have to deal with their struggles about my gayness, so…  Ugh.

Moving on. Today is a busy day.  Actually, this whole month is busy what with homework and the wedding and all.  Not to mention I’m still trying to squeeze in dates where I can.  September will be a better month.

And the girl who gave me her number last week?  She’s involved in a pyramid scheme. Fairly certain she was trying to groom me to join. Strike one, two, and three.

Today I met with a classmate to work through our assignment.  We both were stuck on a very similar spot in our code, although it turned out we had very different problems.  But I figured us both out, so I’m feeling pretty good.  And my code works!  What a good feeling.

Plus a girl at Starbucks gave me her number.  I’m not sure if she was flirting, but this is still the first time a woman gave me her number in the wild, and I didn’t even have to ask for it.  At this moment, I have no intention of texting, but we’ll see if she does (I gave her mine in return).  She’s super cute, but not my type (if she is even queer at all).

I want to have all the sex, but I suppose I’m in no hurry.  (That’s not entirely true.)  I have found that what is true is that I am willing to hop into bed with someone pretty much immediately if I think they are attractive and they are open to it.  Unfortunately, I need to work on finding more folk who feel the same.  I keep going out with people who aren’t wanting to do the casual sex thing at all, and I think I kind of do, as it turns out.

That’s it for today. I have to get shit done.

Oh god, holidays bum me out so bad.  Even when I try to be not bummed, they still bum me out.  Regardless, I just made cinnamon roll dough (in the fridge overnight) and cream cheese frosting for tomorrow morning.  It’s my one semi-regular holiday offering.  I say semi-regular because sometimes I suck and don’t follow through (like at Thanksgiving this year).

I’m experiencing some friend-drama, which I hate.  There is just no need for it.  Plus such bad timing, what with my being bummed out by holidays already.

I went on a coffee date today, which lasted four hours and went well.  I have that ice skating date on Saturday (with a different woman).  I’m totally working it, folks.  There’s another woman I’ve been talking to who I might try to set something up with, but three at once is a bit much for me.  Oh, and there’s a woman I just started talking to on facebook (yes, I know) who might be moving to Seattle.  Not that I’m trying to date her, obviously, but all new people take emotional energy.

I am hoping tomorrow goes well. Or, at least, better than Thanksgiving.

You guys… I bought another pair of skinny jeans (same cut as the others, but in black).  What is happening to me?!

And I also found the door to the exercise room, so with any luck I’ll be using it on the regular.

Now, for all the really important stuff.

I totally sent this completely humiliating facebook message to a woman I went to high school with.  I’m fairly certain we weren’t friends (I say it like that because my memory is quite foggy of those awful years), and I have a feeling she probably didn’t know who I am or won’t remember me (she was a cool kid; I was a nerd).  But she was cute then, I just looked her up last night, and she’s super hot now.  Like, oh my god.  So, I may or may not have had a few glasses of wine yesterday and while the effects were mostly gone but lingering, I sent this woman a message basically saying all that.  I don’t even know if she’s gay or single or anything.  Last night it seemed brilliant.  This morning, not quite as much.

Regardless, I love every aspect of being out.  I love being allowed to check out women, to flirt with them.  I love feeling like the world of dating is open and wonderful.  I love that I’m feeling things I didn’t know you could feel.  It’s the things you heard you should have felt when you first went through adolescence, but I never did–I blamed it on being a late bloomer.  And you know, 20 years later, I’m finally catching up.  (ha.ha.)

Of course, my family is still in denial.  Hanging out with them is hard, not because they are being terrible, but because there is an unspoken rule to not bring it up, and right now, my life is largely dominated by my exploration of the queer world.  So I don’t know what to say to them or to tell them.  I don’t want to shove it in their faces, to make them come to terms with it on my terms.  But I do worry about how it will go when I finally bring a girlfriend over for them to meet.  I actually dread that moment. (Not that I will let that worry ruin my fun now!)

I’m allowing myself to be fully comfortable in my own skin.  I’m learning what that looks like for me.  Even clothing choices–I’m slowly seeking out clothes that only make me feel kick-ass, and getting rid of the ones that just don’t.  I’m experimenting with new styles (skinny jeans? boots?) and figuring out if they’re for me.  It’s empowering.

I’m going on dates and enjoying them. (I can hardly get over how wonderful that is.)  I’m meeting new friends.  I’m finding a place to belong.

It’s great.

Weekends are never long enough.  Still on my list of chores to do: laundry, ironing, scrub the tub, vacuum.  But guess how many hours of Netflix I’ve watched already?  Oops.

I have a friend coming over this afternoon–we may take a walk or just stay inside.  It depends on what the weather decides to do.  Tomorrow I have a second date with a woman I met online–we’re going bowling.  I’m sure I will impress her with my ability to get an absurd amount of gutter balls…

I think a trip to Starbucks may be in order when my friend gets here.  Priorities.

One of my friends had a great idea for NaNoWriMo.  It would be a bit of a hijack, but when have I ever played by arbitrary rules that I didn’t make up myself?  Anyway, she suggested I write a book of all my (mostly online) dating stories.  That could be a fun way to spend November.  Now, there have been so many that I will have to enlist help to remember them all.  I figure if I spent this month brainstorming, trying to get some basic notes on as many as I can recall…  We’ll see how it goes.  But it would be fun, if nothing else.

One of her favourite recent stories was the guy that after the third date, I realized I had more chemistry with my sandwich than him.  (Oh my goodness it was the best sandwich ever.  Grilled cheese on sourdough with Beecher’s flagship, beer caramelized onions, and bacon.)  That said, friends, if you have some favourites, let me know.

Do you think all the accidental dates and wrongly assumed joke ask-outs should be included?  Because those are some good stories, too.  (Remember those days before I figured out what a date was and that if a guy asked you out, he was serious?)

In other news, I went on a good first date this weekend.  He even walked me to my car afterwards–no one does that anymore, but it’s a really nice touch.

And, I forgot this song in last night’s post:

I was thinking about this blog o’ mine.  And really, there are two groups who could read it with zero consequence to me: either complete strangers who have no idea who I am, or friends who know me well (or well enough).  That third group, the one comprised of folks who barely know me or just met me, might not be able to navigate all the murky posts and connect them properly to reality.

For complete strangers, it matters not.  I am whoever they imagine me to be, whoever my writing makes me into.  For friends, they know me well enough to fill in the blanks or to tell when I’m being honest with myself.  Maybe that is why I  don’t “advertise” my blog.  It’s out there, connected to a couple of my social media sites.  But I don’t encourage people to read it.  Not to say that I don’t enjoy it when people do…

————–

Today was an encouraging day.  Surprisingly encouraging.  And I think that regardless, I can take today and be encouraged.  I am still worried about  my near-belief that “often winners turn out to be losers.”  But I went out for coffee with a guy who seemed normal.  And not just that, but nice.  And not just nice, but a gentleman.  And a gentleman who also apparently thinks women are people, too.  Who is intelligent and educated.  Who is a Baptist, but not insane (I am somewhat prejudiced, probably unfairly, against Baptists).  Who seems to have his life more or less together.

Of course, I am highly suspicious.  There must be something I’ve missed, some fatal flaw…  Those tend to show up pretty quickly, though, and you know I’ll be watching…  (I suppose his fatal flaw could turn out to not be interested if I am.  That would be ironic.)

The few dates I go on are with such unfortunate fellows that I don’t know what to do with one that seems, I must say it again, normal.  I think I can say with a clear mind that I am looking forward to seeing him again.  I, for the first time in who knows how long, actually thought over the date afterwards and worried about if I said the wrong thing or something stupid or…  I usually couldn’t care less.  This is weird.

But, like I always remind you readers, don’t expect updates, and don’t expect anything.

Sometimes I have ideas for blogs, try to write them out, and fail miserably.  Be glad that I often just delete those attempts.

Okay, this is what I want to know: what is it about the concept of going on dates that I hate so much?  Getting to know someone over planned activities shouldn’t be torture, and yet…  No wonder I’m single.

And why do social conventions dictate that meals must be parts of dates?  Why can’t we just skip the whole awkward experience of eating together with someone you barely know?  Eating is personal.  And terrible things can  happen while you’re eating.  And going out to eat is not one of my favourite things anyway.

I seriously have issues.  Obviously.

And, obviously, I have a date tomorrow with the guy I mentioned previously.  At least, I assume it’s a date due to the training I’ve received in the past from all my guy friends: “He does not have to use the word ‘date’ for it to be a date.  The fact that he’s asking you out to engage in a pre-planned activity makes it a date.”  Apparently.

Gah!

Sometimes, I make dates with the intention of canceling them later.  And  by sometimes, I mean 98% of the time.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how awful is that?

Dates are disgusting.

But in better thoughts, I have a lovely wealth of books to read stacked on my bedside table: The Hunger Games Trilogy (borrowed from my niece), Tom’s Midnight Garden, CultureShock! Ecuador, Chronicle’s of Avonlea, Further Chronicles of Avonlea, The Chrysalids, My Side of the Mountain, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, and numerous others.  Some I’ve read before, some I’ll be reading for the first time.

I also re-loaded Sims 2 on my computer and have been playing it much too often.  Please save me from my alter-reality.  I like it way too much.

And I just got back from a delightful weekend in Canada with friends from college.  So good!!

That’s all.  Have a lovely evening.

I’ve been watching the LOTR trilogy again.  And I realized I’d like to cut out most parts with golem or fighting in them.  I’m not sure what that leaves me with, but it’s not much.  I think I would like a whole movie just about the Shire, with the Hobbits.  I don’t need a lot of excitement; I’m fine with just a happy story.

There are only four weeks left to the semester.  I wonder what it will feel like to call my time my own again.  Of course, I’ll be working on my thesis, and then when that’s done, finding a job, so it’s not as if I will be entirely free.  But even with my thesis, I plan on having set work hours, so that I can be free (guilt-free) in the evenings and on weekends.

And I’ve been thinking: my allergies to cats aren’t very severe.  I like cats much better than dogs in the end–I prefer independent animals.  I think when I move out, I will get a kitten.  That way it can be on its own, and I don’t have to feel bad.

Thursday is date two.  Should I really be telling the internet about this?