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Things are slowly picking up at work. Perhaps I can stay until I’m qualified to find a job in coding (by qualified, I mean kickass enough).

Speaking of coding, I’m looking forward to doing homework this week, if only because I will have a homework buddy to slog through it with me.  Plus, my teacher gave me the rest of the assignments ahead of time (as requested), so I can attempt to finish the coursework before my best friend’s wedding.

Oh! I was accepted into the certificate program, starting in January.  So that’s a go.

In other news, gay news, not gay news, my gay life news, that is… (Worst sentence ever, and I’m keeping it.)  I am so over conservative, Christian friends who can’t get over the fact that I’m gay and just accept it as a good thing.  Fuck them.  They can just take a walk and leave me out of it.  I’m not interested in being their token gay friend. I’m not interested in them working out their issues about homosexuality with me as their guinea pig.  And it always feels harsh when I communicate this to them (in gentler words, honest), but I have a duty to myself first.  Plus, I can’t kick out my family, and I already have to deal with their struggles about my gayness, so…  Ugh.

Moving on. Today is a busy day.  Actually, this whole month is busy what with homework and the wedding and all.  Not to mention I’m still trying to squeeze in dates where I can.  September will be a better month.

And the girl who gave me her number last week?  She’s involved in a pyramid scheme. Fairly certain she was trying to groom me to join. Strike one, two, and three.

Time is flying, and I am doing nothing about it.

Next month I need to get serious about looking into places to live.  I might be able to do an easy move to the sister-apartment complex of my current place, but I also don’t want to limit myself to just that option–I need to see what’s out there and where.  Right?

Sometimes I worry that I made a mistake moving into the corporate world from the non-profit world.  I’m sure that it’s just the learning curve, getting used to such a different way of doing things.  And honestly, my company has a very non-corporate feel to it, which helps.  But still.  I suppose that, worst case scenario, I put in a year or so, then move on.

I did some number crunching, and if I continue with my current budget, I should be able to have my student loan paid off in four years.  I can’t tell you how excited that makes me.  The sense of freedom will be amazing.  There’s so much I don’t do and don’t consider doing because I have this debt hanging over me.  As soon as it’s gone, I can get down to real fun.  Or maybe even the idea of saving up for a house?  (HAHAHA, yeah right, like I’ll ever have the money for that.)

I guess that’s it.  Nothing exciting, nothing overly emotional, just my Saturday morning musings.

I’ve finally started my new position full time.  I’m still, obviously, training the new administrative assistant, but it’s at least only in bits and pieces at this point.

I feel as though I’m slowly getting a handle on things.  But I really only mean in the most elementary way possible.  I’m still working on paying all the overdue bills.  Bleah.  But I’m feeling more aware of what needs to get done, rather than feeling as though I have no idea what is waiting for me.

I finally purchased a Kitchen Aid this week.  I have long dreamed of this day.  I was wanting to wait until I had more room, but finally decided that it wasn’t worth waiting, since who knows when or if I’ll ever have a bigger kitchen.

I got the Cranberry color, which is simply delightful.  I haven’t used it yet, but I will soon. :)

I haven’t blogged in awhile.  I haven’t had anything to say.  Or I have, but I’ve only thought of it as I lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep.

One of my co-workers told me today that one of the things they love about me that I am so honest about who I am.  This was in reference to my assertion that of of my favourite parts of the week is going grocery shopping early Saturday morning.  I was saying how I start getting excited on Friday, anticipating my opportunity to go to the store, so I make meal plans and “clip” coupons…  The sad thing is how true it is and how little I care that it’s true.  But at least someone gets a kick out of it?  Apparently most people wouldn’t admit to something like this.  But I maintain that most people simply wouldn’t be excited about it.

Besides, I’m the person who gets in bed at 8pm on work nights.  Getting excited about the grocery is only one of my many ridiculous traits.

And furthermore, is it really true that most people aren’t honest about who they are?  I am not saying I am always upfront about everything, but I believe very strongly in being true to yourself.  And you know, even if I don’t always like who I am, I’m okay with who I am.  I mean, except for those moments when I hate who I am.  But I still think that’s my personal right and the rest of you can suck it.

This isn’t coming out quite how I imagined.

———–

So the whole dating thing…  having a relationship thing…  I just don’t think I can do it in truth.  I think I have too many issues with men, too little trust, and too little desire to ever trust them.  It is good that I like being alone.  Because I just don’t see how I could be with a man.  (Can I just give an aside again of how very angry I still am at men?  Those men, the ones I’ve blogged about.   Like… over the top angry.)

Anyway.  I was back on a dating site–you know how I love them–but I had to disable my account again.  Too many stupid men bugging me.  And always, only, the really needy men.  Like the ones who talk about letting me share their netflix account the first time we meet (as if I’d want to).  What is it about me that attracts needy men?  Good gracious.

Besides, my cats (Sophie in particular) are afraid of men.  So I’m not sure how that would work out anyway.

———–

Speaking previously of work, it’s going okay.  I know I’m a bit of an emotional roller coaster about my job, but it really is okay overall.  I think the roller coaster is just me.  But this month has been crazy busy, so I won’t be sad to see it gone, if I can actually manage to finish all my projects by the end.  I’m glad I like most of my co-workers, most of the time.  (I am an introvert, so it’s ridiculous to assume that I would always be glad to be around them.)

I’d better end now before this post gets worse.

Week two of my new job is done.  I still love it.  The people are great.  And today I finished organizing my personal space.  It only took 9 days… hahaha  Now I get to move onto the cupboards and supply areas.  Not that anyone’s told me to do this.  But it needs to be done.  There’s also this guy…  But you know, I know that’s a bad idea to even consider, since it’s work, so yeah.  (But he is interesting, and attractive, and… what else do you even need after only two weeks?)

And I’ve been on okcupid again, although I’ve ignored almost everyone who’s written to me, since almost all of them have been those lame-ass messages, such as “You’re hot, let’s talk,” or “You have a great smile, let’s go out sometime.”  Ugh.  And then I’m talking with a couple of others, but I don’t know that I’m even remotely interested in either.  Plus they live up here (and one of them farther away in the wrong direction) and I’ll be moving in a few months, so what’s the point?  Besides, it’s not like I have any time to be meeting new folk at this point.

I’ve also lost a total of 27 pounds so far and only have 4 more to go.  At least, as of last Sunday.  I’m feeling great and feeling like I look great.  It’s fantastic to be back to my pre-college weight/size.

AND, I think I have my student loan stuff figured out.  I just have to apply for the right programs, and it looks like my loan payments will be affordable!  Thank God.  I might even have enough money in my budget to get health insurance!!  I will be living a life of luxury soon.

Alright, that’s it for now.

This week I started working a temp job.  It’s full time, which is nice.  Although, that does make it harder when/if I get interviews.  But it’s work, it gets me out of the house, and it is money.

All I’m doing is scanning documents and printing manuals…  Luckily, I can bring my ipod and listen to podcasts.

So now that I have my current financial crisis diverted, I just need a permanent job.  Preferably at a non-profit.  Ready, go.

As I interviewed for a minimum wage job alongside a 17 year old high-school student, I had to remind myself that just because I’m 30 and getting my master’s, doesn’t mean that I’m too good to work seasonal retail.

That said, I accepted the position, to start in the near future.

I got a cat tree today, and it is fantastic.  Easy to set up, sturdy, and I think the kittens like it.  Plus, it will still be big enough for them when they’re adult kittens.

I still need a real job.  Help!

[Quick side note: How dumb do spammers think I am?  Every time I see a spam comment (in my junk folder), I am reminded of a friend’s post on this very subject…]

My kitten seems to be adjusting well to her new home.  And she’s stopped bullying my sister’s kitten, which is also good.  Now I just have to get her to quit climbing the furniture.

I quit my job at Macy’s.  Before I began.  Long story short: the job was nothing like they said it would be when I was hired (including hours, hours per week, etc), and then it turned out to be a union job, which would take around 1/4 of my paycheck every month with the hours they would have me work.  So not worth it.  I’m just not going to worry about a job until after this thesis thing is done.

I think I’m going to go to church tonight.

Thesis wise, as soon as I’ve written a cogent thesis statement and re-worked my outline, I am ready to start writing.  Woo hoo!

Today feels like it has a good chance of being productive.  I got up at 7am on the nose (sleeping in!), went for a walk, and cleaned the bathroom.  I am meeting a friend for coffee at 11am, but intend to bring my thesis research so I can read afterwards.

I have an idea for a story, a book.  I’ve written down my inspiration for it (which came from a dream), and am now working on seeing if I can flesh out the details enough to have a go at writing it.  Not that I can let this distract me from my thesis.  But maybe it can be a prize for when I’ve finished my daily work?

I’m still worried about finding a job after my thesis.  A real job.  One I can live on.  I suppose that, worse comes to worst, I could always get a second bachelors degree, one that would be practical.  I’m already looking into it as a side idea.  Not that I want an additional 2-3 years of school.  But how hard can undergrad be once I’ve finished a masters?  Wouldn’t it be like a walk in the park?  (Or so I console myself.)

Just thoughts.

Do you read into things?  See signs where they may or may not be?  I do.  I think it’s how I base my life decisions, to be honest.

Right now I’m reconsidering Ecuador.  Let me preface this by saying that in no way do I not want to go to Ecuador.  Rather, I am questioning the timing.

I am tired of academia.  You have heard this from me before.  Jumping into an intense certificate program, then into teaching English (which I have no actual desire for) is just more of the same, in a different flavor.

I need counseling, and am about to start looking for a counselor.  If I go to Ecuador, I wouldn’t be able to continue, due to the language barrier.  Plus, instead of being able to focus on getting healthy, I’d be bombarded by a new culture, a new language, new everything, every day.

Leaving would drain me of my resources, which means that when I came back, I’d be worse off than I am now, financially.  Plus I’d have the burden (job-search-wise) of being gone for so long.  (My friends who have done this can attest to the difficulty it can create.)  I’m ready to settle into a job, find a place to live, be an adult.  I want a job that I leave at the end of the day.  I want free time.

I have been offered a job (contingent upon my background check coming back clean, which is no problem).  It’s only 12-20 hours a week, and lasts through December.   That is a perfect amount and time-line for writing my thesis.  However, it is woefully inadequate if I want to move to Ecuador.  Although, I’m not sure I’m capable of writing my thesis if I’m working full-time…

If I stay, I could get a truck.  And maybe a puppy.  And I could look into moving to the Midwest.  Or stay in this area.  Either way, so long as I had my own place and a real job–post thesis.

I haven’t really made a decision yet, but I’m considering.