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I really want to give non-monogamy a shot.  I want to be that person who can actually do it.  But I have serious doubts because all I have to do is start talking to some woman that piques my interest in a real way, and suddenly my mind is tripping merrily down Monogamy Way.

On the other hand, if I’m just wired for monogamy, why try for non-monogamy?  Just because it’s a thing doesn’t mean I have to imbibe.  I think I’m okay with casual until I let my emotions get involved, then I can’t handle it.  So if it’s just a physical thing, then sure, why not.  But as soon as it starts feeling real, all bets are off.

On the other-other hand, I want to give kink a try, and I want the freedom to do so.  [This whole discussion is going to preclude me actually being in a relationship. I am merely speaking in hypotheticals at the moment.]

On the other-other-other hand (I have run out of hands), what if I started seeing someone who is involved in kink or wants to get involved in a similar way as myself?

Additional to that, the more I look into and learn about the kink community, I’m not sure I ever want to be part of the community itself.  I think I want to borrow ideas and play and incorporate them into my sex life without committing to any thing in any real way.  I think what I mean is that I like a lot of what kink has to offer, but only in certain amounts and ways.

I clearly do not do well with what-ifs.  I need concrete situations.

We interrupt your programming to bring you some very important news: As I was sitting at my computer, catching up on facebook and enjoying my first cup of coffee this morning, a dark object flew over my head (please don’t let it have been from my head) and landed on my laptop’s mouse pad.  AND THEN IT MOVED BECAUSE IT WAS A SPIDER.  Thank god it was a little one, but you guys, I almost died!

Now, back to regular programming.

Are any of you, readers o’ mine, into kink or the kink community?  I met with a friend of a friend last night who is, which was a big motivation for meeting them.  I have all these questions and thoughts and haven’t quite figured out how to make any moves into exploring kink.

They gave me a lot of good background info and things to consider–some I’d thought about, some I hadn’t.  I didn’t ask many questions, although they attempted to get me to do so, but it was a good introduction.  (Also, they personally know a few of my queer ‘celebrity’ crushes, swoon!)

I have this problem in my head, one I can probably blame on my very conservative upbringing, where I have a disconnect between kink and relationships.  As though I can only have vanilla sex in a relationship and kink outside of one.  I’m not sure how to reconcile the two or if they will naturally reconcile as time goes on.

I also do some thinking about poly relationships–to a much lesser degree, I suppose.  My friend B thinks it is the way of the future–shared resources and all that (I mean, look at things like car to go or shared housing or…).  She has a good point.  And I like the idea of not needing to put all my relationship needs on one person.  We have multiple friends, why not multiple lovers?  Anyway, not sure if I’ll ever go the poly route, but I am for sure giving it serious consideration as at least an intellectual exercise.

Thoughts?  Experiences?  Etc?