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Things are slowly picking up at work. Perhaps I can stay until I’m qualified to find a job in coding (by qualified, I mean kickass enough).

Speaking of coding, I’m looking forward to doing homework this week, if only because I will have a homework buddy to slog through it with me.  Plus, my teacher gave me the rest of the assignments ahead of time (as requested), so I can attempt to finish the coursework before my best friend’s wedding.

Oh! I was accepted into the certificate program, starting in January.  So that’s a go.

In other news, gay news, not gay news, my gay life news, that is… (Worst sentence ever, and I’m keeping it.)  I am so over conservative, Christian friends who can’t get over the fact that I’m gay and just accept it as a good thing.  Fuck them.  They can just take a walk and leave me out of it.  I’m not interested in being their token gay friend. I’m not interested in them working out their issues about homosexuality with me as their guinea pig.  And it always feels harsh when I communicate this to them (in gentler words, honest), but I have a duty to myself first.  Plus, I can’t kick out my family, and I already have to deal with their struggles about my gayness, so…  Ugh.

Moving on. Today is a busy day.  Actually, this whole month is busy what with homework and the wedding and all.  Not to mention I’m still trying to squeeze in dates where I can.  September will be a better month.

And the girl who gave me her number last week?  She’s involved in a pyramid scheme. Fairly certain she was trying to groom me to join. Strike one, two, and three.

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Today I met with a classmate to work through our assignment.  We both were stuck on a very similar spot in our code, although it turned out we had very different problems.  But I figured us both out, so I’m feeling pretty good.  And my code works!  What a good feeling.

Plus a girl at Starbucks gave me her number.  I’m not sure if she was flirting, but this is still the first time a woman gave me her number in the wild, and I didn’t even have to ask for it.  At this moment, I have no intention of texting, but we’ll see if she does (I gave her mine in return).  She’s super cute, but not my type (if she is even queer at all).

I want to have all the sex, but I suppose I’m in no hurry.  (That’s not entirely true.)  I have found that what is true is that I am willing to hop into bed with someone pretty much immediately if I think they are attractive and they are open to it.  Unfortunately, I need to work on finding more folk who feel the same.  I keep going out with people who aren’t wanting to do the casual sex thing at all, and I think I kind of do, as it turns out.

That’s it for today. I have to get shit done.

It’s been a long time since I felt challenged by anything, even in little ways.  I’m taking this Python course, and while most of it is fairly straightforward and simple, there are still challenges that I have to struggle through.  And while I hate it, I love it.

To clarify, I’m fairly certain I hate it because I might be a bit conceited when it comes to my intelligence and ability to learn.  I’m used to most things coming easily, especially if I want to learn them.  So to find that I have to try and put forth effort makes me feel insecure, makes me worry that perhaps I’m not smart enough for tech.  But at the same time, it presents a challenge to be overcome, and I love that.  I love knowing that I don’t have all the answers, that I will have to put extra time into something to understand it fully.  I get bored so easily that I need things that keep me stretching.


Putting the words “love life” in the title feels a little misleading, but since when have my titles been any good, anyway?

More specifically, I don’t have a love life. I do have a very active dating life.  (ha!)

I’ve been texting a woman this last week.  I’m meeting her tomorrow–we’re going to my favourite dive bar.  I think the atmosphere is perfect there.  It’s casual, it’s friendly, it’s divey.  We’ve been having some good texting rapport, but of course, that really means nothing in the end.  And, she’s rather new to the area, still pretty homesick, so my instant suspicion is that perhaps she is just lonely and cannot be trusted to be truly interested.  We’ll see how it goes.

Two nights ago I went out with a lady that very quickly became obvious she is too much my opposite.  Primarily, the financial decisions she makes horrifies me.  It goes beyond neutrally bad decisions (of which I make some myself) to harmfully bad (in my opinion).  For example, when you’re broke and very much in debt already, it seems a poor idea to go to Thailand on credit…  Anyway, she’s also one of those “free spirits” that sort of drive me nuts, to be honest.  PLUS, she’s a hardcore vegetarian, and I ordered a burger. hahahaha  I’m kind of a jerk.


And finally, my tattoo is healing nicely so far. It’s still a bit swollen, which I blame mostly on the heat and wearing long pants and shoes.  There may be no connection, but I think there is. :)

Well, off to the daily grind!

There’s just too much going on to handle anything.  I’d like to give zero fucks for the next several months.  Unfortunately, that is not likely to be possible.

And so, moving on…

I need to get serious about working out.  I don’t like how I feel, but it’s hard to feel motivated at 5:30am.  I also need to get serious about job hunting, but it’s hard to feel motivated at 6:30pm.  My teacher left me an audio comment on my last assignment that was next to worthless in terms of helpfulness.  Also, I had to listen to it, which was basically the worst.

Yes, that was just a big ol’ paragraph of complaining.

I wrote a three page letter to Men’s Wearhouse telling them how disappointed I am in their store.  I wonder if I’ll get a response.

Here’s a bit of good news.  My rent increase is less than I expected. I can’t help but wonder if it’s a mistake, but I’m not going to point it out because I have it on an official document.

I’m considering taking a hiatus from dating, only because I am surrounded by femmes and don’t care to date any of them.  Where are the butch ladies?  I mean, c’mon.  Or androgynous.  But here’s something to think about.  I went out last weekend with a trans boi.  We talked about labels, and he asked mine.  I said lesbian.  But then I also noted that I may be open to dating trans guys–I’m not really sure (that’s a whole other discussion).  I’d still call myself a lesbian.  Would that do them a disservice?  Does it matter what I label myself in regard to whom I might date?

These are things that are on my mind.

Last week was pretty much awful.

I’m not going to talk about Orlando because I don’t have the words.  It is a horrible, horrible thing that happened.  I’m, we’re, still reeling.

To top that off, I had a fight with my parents–which made for an extra emotional few days.  But, in actuality, I think that helped.  I’ve been so careful this last year to not bring up being gay around them, to try to be sensitive to the fact that they don’t know what to do with it.  But, I was holding it against them and getting increasingly frustrated.  So now things are a bit more open and while they’re still not happy, I at least feel like I can acknowledge my queerness around them.  It’s a start.

—-

It’s June.  It’s Pride month.  And my city’s Pride is coming up.  I’m planning on bringing my oldest niece to the parade. She wants to come, and I think it’d be good for her to do so.  My brother (her dad) seemingly only had one concern–nudity, to which I assured him that there is virtually none (thanks to the commercialization of Pride, but I’m actually not complaining because I’m not a huge fan of public nudity in general).  Anyway, I think it will be a good experience, and I’m looking forward to the chance to talk to her more.  Last I knew, she was more or less questioning her sexuality, but I’m not sure where she is on that currently.

It’s also almost my birthday.  I’ll be 34 this month–crazy!  Time goes so quickly.  I’m also starting that Python course this week, which means I have to get serious about doing coursework.  What with Pride and my birthday this weekend, I guess I’m going to have to get the first module and assignment completed early, boo.

Well, my Sophie-cat is giving me a death glare, which I interpret to mean “bedtime.”  It may be the summer solstice (and a strawberry moon!), but I’m still a grandma.

I know I’ve talked a bit about my work situation on here.  The sum of it is that I took a new job in February because 1. I was bored at my old job, and 2. I needed to make more money.  Well, and I am hoping, someday, to actually move into the city. But that is currently a huge aside.

I made it very clear to my current job when I was interviewing that I need to be challenged and kept busy.  It has been about four months (is that right? only four?), and I am bored to tears.  I don’t know why, but they won’t give me hardly any work to do.  I know I’m a good worker.  I know they like me.  My co-workers pass off some of their work to me, so that I have something to occupy myself, but I am lucky if I get 2 billable hours a day.  (Thank god I get paid regardless–not that there will ever be any bonuses or raises.)  I am losing the company money by my lack of work.  And I am losing motivation to stay.  I’m to the point where I think it was a mistake to take this job. It just doesn’t seem to be a good fit.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of friends suggest I look into tech.  That it would be interesting and challenging and would provide me the alone work I so strongly desire.  (Please never make me work with others on a regular basis. I just want to sit alone in my cubicle and get shit done.)  I’m going to start by learning Python..  I know I could teach myself, but I’m going to do a certificate course at my local university–starting this month.  It’ll be about a year in total, but I think it will be worth it.  I hear I could start as a tester and move on from there.

In the meantime, I’ll probably start looking for another job.  I’m not sure if I’ll find one, but I dread going into work every day right now because I literally have nothing to do.  I wish I could work on other things, like Python, at work, but I think that would be frowned upon.  Instead, I scour finance websites and read article after article about investing, personal finance, the economy, markets, etc.  At the very least, I’ll be able to teach my friends (and myself) how to manage finances in a real way.

I just need to remember that a year is hardly any time at all.  And once I start learning, I can get involved in some of the open source stuff online, start networking, and begin learning actual skills to help me find a job when I’m ready.

I have dreams of grandeur, but I am stuck in the mud.