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All the feels, all the time. I’m getting so much closer to total equilibrium, though.
I got Netflix last weekend, and now I have no intention of ever leaving my apartment. I also just got 4 DVDs that I’d had on hold from the library (pre-Netflix), so you can be sure that this weekend is booked.
Cameron Esposito is coming to town in October, and I can hardly wait. I’m going by myself since I don’t know anyone who likes her, and I can’t see the point in bringing anyone who won’t be geeking out with me. Because I will totally be geeking out. Her fiance, Rhea Butcher, will be opening for her, so this is definitely a twofer.
Oh, and I got a new haircut last night. My stylist totally had a picture of Hannah Hart that she’d clipped for me. So that is the inspiration. Right now it’s an intermediary cut since I have to grow some of it out still. But I love this cut. It’s fantastic. It’s important to have a haircut that makes you feel good. For reals.
Also: I need some foodspiration. I have been failing on feeding myself properly for weeks now, and it’s really starting to take its toll. Send food. Or inspiration. Preferably food.
I’m basically having the worst week ever, emotionally. I’m not going to go into all the boring details, because who the fuck cares besides me? But I will tell you about one part of it.
I had applied for a job, a promotion, at my office. One that I was really excited about. Today, I rescinded it–this after an official interview and an unofficial interview. There were only two of us in the running–myself and a co-worker. He has been with the organization for 10 years. Ten fucking years. And everyone loves him. He’s not like me, who gets a very mixed bag.
That said, I had two things that worried me excessively. One, that the office would hold it against me if I got the position over him. To be honest, I would do a better job at the actual tasks. But he will be friendlier and will get along with the other managers and directors better, not to mention everyone else. They will like him better because they do already. Plus, people will feel as though it’s owed him because he’s been there so long. Two, through the questions and conversation of the interview, it just came to rest quite heavily on my shoulders that I have no business working a job that works with people. I suck at working with people. I’m not likeable or relate-able. I need to find a job that deals less and less with people and just keeps me at my desk with numbers or facts or whatever.
So I took myself out of the running, took the decision away from my supervisor, and essentially handed him the job on a silver platter.
Then I came home and cried.
Fuck life this week.
Tomorrow night I’m going to see The Gift. I’m kind of nervous because I’m a wimp when it comes to movies, but it’s not like I’m watching it alone. So it will be fine, right? A week ago, I saw Paper Towns–a good movie, but not one I’d see again.
Patrick Rothfuss’ second book in The Kingkiller Chronicles, The Wise Man’s Fear, finally came in at the library for me (I had been on the hold list for over a month). It’s fantastic! I don’t know if any of you read the first one, The Name of the Wind, but it was engrossing. I couldn’t even put it down. So far, this one is living up to expectations. It’s nice to have something new and fresh to read.
I’m about 2/3 of the way through the second season of Orange is the New Black. I got an hdmi cord, so I get to watch it on my tv, which is nice. It’s a pretty good show, I think, although kind of stressful. (And again, you know me…)
Other than that, if anyone has any recommendations… let me know.
I keep thinking about starting a new blog, getting a fresh start. It’s a habit of mine, but one I haven’t indulged since I started this blog–I think 5 years ago?
Anyway…
It’s official: I’m fully out. The parents finally saw the email. I wouldn’t say they’re happy (ahem), but they haven’t been terrible (yet). Their responses? Dad sent a text, and Mom just might be in denial.
But who cares about all that. I am finally able to say what I want, when I want, where I want. Yay! Now onto the pursuit of life, love, and happiness.
Speaking of the pursuit of happiness: sometimes I get confused between what everyone else thinks about something and what just Christian culture thinks about something. Now, I know that in Christian culture, it’s frowned upon to pursue happiness because happiness is fleeting and vapid and… all those other things. You should have higher goals. But this isn’t a universal thought, right? The world at large doesn’t believe that it’s inherently bad or shallow to pursue happiness? Or does it?
Someone needs to tell me.
Along those lines, sort of, there have been many more late nights in my life lately, but every one of them has been worth it so far. I’m definitely enjoying myself, despite the sleepiness the next morning.
Living in Hebel 